An Elvis Kinda Christmas

I'll have a blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear(s), if you're not here with me...

I spent my first Christmas without my children and that was very sad for me. My oldest daughter pulled up stakes and moved to Texas last month, without telling me goodbye, because she couldn't bear to "hurt me." Newsflash: It hurts more that I didn't get a hug goodbye! :-( I think it was just as likely she wouldn't face me because it would be too difficult for her to go if she had to say goodbye, so she just left.(A very long & somewhat complicated story that I may tell another day.) I have been feeling the loss over the holidays, but she emailed and texted yesterday, and said she would call in the evening, which gave me some hope. My other two children, who "took over her apartment," were no shows, and when I learned they weren't joining us for our traditional Christmas at my folks' house, I was deeply saddened. I wish children, no matter their age, would understand that they will change friends many times over the years, but your family will never change, and times with them are precious & limited. I guess, as very young adults, they need to learn these things in their own way, and their own time, but it doesn't make it easier for the parents. I cried most of the way to my parents' house.

I was running pretty late getting to our celebration, so every one else had already gathered. It is fairly overwhelming to walk into my mom's living room, as there is no porch, entryway or foyer...you are just thrust right into the chaos that is dozens of people getting caught up with each other. As soon as I walked in, I was bombarded with "Hey, how are you? " I don't know how many times I was asked before I fell apart, and was immediately ushered into a mini counseling session with my private therapist...my oldest sister is a licensed therapist and deals with these situations all the time. It helped to unleash emotions, at least some of them, and then I tried to put on my happy face. After all, I was looking forward to a phone call from my oldest daughter. The call never came, so I was disappointed by that. I did pretty good at keeping my happy face on most of the evening, as long as no one was prying. Yes, they care, and want to be supportive, but I didn't want to be the bah humbug of the party.

On the flip side, all of my thirteen siblings were present and that is a feat in itself. It was good to see everyone. We were able to get the first group photo since we last took some in 2002 at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Officially, there were 49 of us together for the evening meal yesterday, and we actually ran low on some food (that doesn't happen often), but there were plenty of sweets to compensate. Still, there were six grandchildren & 2 of their spouses, as well as 3 great grandchildren missing. Our family is now officially at 60, not including "significant others." We actually "lost" two in-laws over the last number of years (divorce), so we had once topped 60. My niece is expecting a baby at the end of March; the numbers continue to rise. With several nieces and nephews now in their late teens and early to mid twenties, I predict a snowball effect soon, as the marriages & babies start to come in quick succession.

My parents are aging a little (don't tell them that, though). My mom fell on Monday evening, severely bruising her shin. She had shopped the evening away with my sister, then went to visit another sister. After her injury, my sister called the Blue Cross help line, & checked in with the hospital, as well. My mom is diabetic, and the family was worried about blood clots, etc. The lady on the end of the help line really wanted to know why my sister had an "elderly" woman out so late (11:30 p.m.). My mom & sister were shocked to hear Mom referred to as elderly. We just don't think of her as old, and neither does she! She is almost 77, but she just doesn't act like it! The injury was somewhat of a blessing in disguise, as she had to sit with her leg elevated and be waited on. No matter how hard we try to get her to ease up on the holidays, she usually doesn't. I must say, after not being required to work in the kitchen, she looked so much less tired than was the case at Thanksgiving.

As blue as I was about my children's absence, I surely count the blessings that are my parents. I treasure every additional day and holiday we can gather together. I wish my children would appreciate how lucky they are to be part of a large family with living grandparents. By the time I was 5 1/2, I only had one grandfather left. I so treasured my visits with him, and if I could go back, would have even spent more time with him. He was with us until I was 20.


Here is an attempt at a family photo (parents & siblings only...well except for that one niece that sneaked in for one). It is just difficult to get the group to be "on task," especially with all the ADHDers in my family. (Professional photos always require a very skilled photographer, especially when we try to get the WHOLE group to look in one direction, at the same time!) The problem with multiple photographers is everyone chooses a different photograher to look at.;-) My 18 year old niece was so cute, as she took photos with several cameras. "Oh, this is so cute!" "Aww, precious...I'm so touched." Funny, sweet girl.



And here...my mom's tree, with her eclectic collection of ornaments.

Other blessings in my family are just being around all the nieces and nephews & great nieces and nephews. I have a couple favorite "finger play" rhymes I started doing with the little ones a few years ago, and as soon as I walk in, I have several holding their palms out to do the "Little Hare Chased by the Cat," which is then followed by "Criss Cross Applesauce." I suppose this started about four years ago, and some of the original children, now four years older, are still looking for me to share this with them. It has become a tradition, and I hope they have warm memories of this when they think back on their childhood memories. I suppose they'll be blogging about it in a couple decades. LOL! Of course, it probably won't be blogging any more, as we'll have moved on to some more technologically advanced form of communications.


Hope your Christmas was merry and you were able to spend cherished time with your loved ones!

(Previously published 12-26 @ Area Voices)

Christmas Gremlins

...so, the Christmas Gremlins came my way...must have wanted a reprieve from picking on Farside, for awhile. I sent my husband back to retrieve my mom's anniversary photo album, then on to St. Cloud yesterday to get the last picture scanned that was missed in my Mom's /sibling's project...see previous blog. He brought it home, I popped it in, the drive started to run and run and run...but nothing. Popped it in my work laptop, still nothing. Spent several hours on that last night, still nothing. This morning, my CD/DVD drive wasn't working; luckily a reboot took care of that. Tried to run the CD again, to no avail. I think it should have been burned to a DVD, not CD, as the original scans were. I knew this was going to need another trip...or hang it up all together.

Early this morning, we headed off to drop my daughter's car off for new tires and get some last minute grocery shopping done. Swiped my debit card in the reader--it wouldn't authorize. My husband swiped his--again, it wouldn't authorize. The lady on the next aisle...same thing. Unfortunately, neither my husband or I had our checkbooks along. I ended up getting cash out of the ATM, which cost two dollars for that bank, and probably another charge at mine. It was a system problem at Walmart (I think it was overloaded), but I feel sorry for the cashiers & customer service people that have to deal with irritated customers. I am not one of those...I go with the flow; heck, they're just the little people...they can't help the glitches. My daughter was a CSM for several years, and she had to deal with that flack alot. I bet she isn't missing that on her first Christmas season not working there!

After getting home, we determined we will try the scanning project one more time. My hubby wanted to stop at McCann's Brew Pub & refill growlers for Christmas gifts, anyway, so he has been assigned the duty. This will be our fourth trip to get this done right. Again, it is just one of those computer glitches...I am guessing Office Max will not want to take that kind of project on again! I definitely have my fingers crossed this time.

I get to bake today, finally. Friendship bread, fruitcake, beer bread & some fudge. I am tempted to whip up a batch of divinity, as well, after Buffalo Gal blogged on it. I haven't made it in forever. The food prep for tomorrow (our celebration day), is to cut up bread cubes (I think I'll toast some of those), as well as grapes, apples, cauliflower, and broccoli. We also have ham cubes, pretzel braids, and tortilla chips. We are going to do a cheese fountain, which I've not tried, but I thought chocolate (which I haven't tried yet, either, despite having this fountain for a year) was too sweet with everything else we'll have at the buffet spread. Christmas is an enormous spread at my mom's, with so many siblings, and every body bringing one or two dishes, not including the cookie candy trays. I will also make my pina colada punch, which is simply a bottle of pina colada mix and a 64 oz bottle of cran-raspberry juice frozen overnight in an ice cream bucket. It is thawed slightly, then placed in a punch bowl. I pour in a bottle of raspberry ginger ale & it is gone in no time. The kids love it! I prefer the hot drinks: Tom & Jerrys--usually sans the alcohol, Chai Tea , or raspberry tea with a little hot chocolate mixed in! Yum!

I am also on a mission today to clip the dogs nails-or rather-sand them. I bought a new little grinder, called a "pedi-paws." We'll see how that goes...they hate nail grooming, so I picked up a muzzle, as well.

Well, time to don the apron & chef's hat & flour up the kitchen! Here's a little walk down memory lane...my first Christmas; I was not quite six months! My oldest sister was eight, the middle brothers were five & six; the twins had just turned two. Seven more children followed over the next sixteen years. Always a house of merriment!

Ann(8) holding Susie (5 1/2 mos.), Steve (5) holding Jim (2), Danny (6) holding Janet(2)

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

(Originally published at Area Voices)

Sentimental Gifts

Christmas will be here before we know it and I am up late, again, trying to put together some sentimental gifts. We already purchased my parents a new dishwasher and had it installed before Thanksgiving. I usually make some sort of food gift for my siblings & their families. Last year it was Instant Tortilla Soup in a Mug (the little kids each got a tin of puppy chow). The Year before, beer bread. Previous year: Chai Tea. This year, I have eight Friendship bread starters "working" in the kitchen; they will multiply to 32 tomorrow!

I still always try to give something sentimental to my mom. One year I wrote my parents a book about their grandchildren. It has been a favorite & I had to rebind it this year. For her 75th birthday I wrote a poem that I framed. I would still like to turn that one into a book--maybe for her 77th? On her 70th, we made a book full of thank-you's (70 of them), each on 4x6 card stock & illustrated by my very artistic sister. This year, I got an idea when I was visiting my mom last Wednesday and saw her 50th Anniversary Photo Album was busting at the seams from all the handling. My very artistic sister scrapbooked two pages for each of their children as a gift for their anniversary. I decided to take it Wednesday...though my mom didn't want to part with it...to get the pages scanned to a DVD. I wanted to print out & laminate a kid friendly copy for the grandchildren to peruse, which should ease on the wear & tear. I also planned to copy DVDs for all my siblings. This way, we all have a copy, since many of us gave up our few one-of-a-kind photos for the project (not too many kid pictures are taken after the first couple kids, as those of you from large families may know).

The project is almost done, but not without a bunch of snags. I took the book to Kinkos, but their scanners weren't big enough for 12x12 pages. I then went to Office Max. Yes, they could do it. $7.99 for the first page, 1.99 for additional, and a fee to put it on DVD. The gentleman said, come back in a couple hours. It was Friday night...right before the storm. When we returned, they had some troubles. The files were too big & he couldn't do with them what he planned, but they were all scanned. They were taking too long to download. Could I maybe stop back tomorrow? Probably not in a blizzard...so, he was going to email them. That didn't work. The files were too big. Their computer has now crashed several times. Now it is late Saturday evening and he is trying to figure out how to shrink them. Sunday, I hear nothing. I call Monday, and the gal says the guy working on them will be in tomorrow and she knows of nothing she was supposed to finish. Right after supper, I get a call saying they had burned them to a DVD. I send my husband on the 2 1/2 hour round trip. He gets the DVD home. I pop it in my computer and immediately notice there were only 29 scans, not 30. I check my sales slip from Friday, and sure enough, there were only 29 scans done. Dang! Why I didn't I notice that Friday night? So, I open up each page to figure out who is missing. My youngest sister is missing one of her pages. I'll have to call in the morning to see if they can do the page, though it will be snowing, & not sure hubby would want to run back to St. Cloud, plus to my mother's to retrieve the album, which I had promptly returned to her Friday night. Plus, if they charge it as a new project, I'd have to pay $7.99 for the scan plus another DVD burned ($9.99 or something like that.) Poor guy working on this will probably run next time he sees someone walk in with such a project. I'm thinking about recording what I have to a re-recordable DVD, then having the other page done later. What would you do (besides come up with the idea a little earlier)?

Here are a couple of the pages...my Mom & Dad's Wedding Photo & part of one of my pages...

The shot below was shrunk & cropped, so it is a bit warped...not unlike myself! ;-)

Pictures, clockwise from bottom left: My brother (5-1/2) and me(4) holding up a fish almost as big as us. My 4th grade picture (almost 10). Here I am at 11 months (I still have that dress). My husband, the kids, and I in the Beatles booth at Hard Rock Cafe in Orlando --1997. The kids were 13, 10, & 7 at the time.

(Originally published @ Area Voices)

I Love to Write...I think?

I am a writing school drop-out! A few years ago, I was involved in an Institute of Children's Literature course. It was a guided study course. You read through assignments, write, turn in your writing assignments. Your assigned instructor reviews them and returns them with remarks on your abilities, errors, and pointers for change, etc. My "instructor" was Minnesota author Janet Graber. I enjoyed writing, and was doing well, while learning new skills. Unfortunately, I only made it about half way through the course before I "dropped out." Somehow, even though my lifelong dream was to be an author, life just took hold, full force, and I got too busy to write. One of the pointers is that to be a good writer, you should write daily. (I read many bloggers at Area Voices that do that well!)

At the time I quit writing, I had been working a full time seasonal job (April to October) and a half-time school year job. Therefore, the months of April to October left little time for anything but the daily grind. I worked on my writing and genealogy work mainly during the less busy time: November to March. Then the seasonal job went full time (and then some) and I couldn't find a moment to myself.

Over that two year period, I really missed my writing. I worked on an occasional personal piece, but nothing more. I started this blog in an attempt to start writing again. In the beginning, it was fairly easy to write, not usually daily, but at least several times a week. Then, around mid-summer, I started facing some severe career challenges. I am still working through some of those processes. I am currently laid off from my once-again seasonal job, and working a part-time job. After Christmas, I will be looking for some more work to supplement my part-time job. I would then be able to walk away (haltingly, though I should probably run) from the seasonal job, which has been a source of distress for some time now, as much as I love the work.
My oldest daughter recently added to my distress when she made some life altering decisions just totally out of character for her. (I'm not ready to blog about that, yet, or maybe never).

So, with the craziness that has been my life, I have not been blogging or writing much. I've been in a ruminating phase as of late. I am getting to the acceptance stage of my woes(partly by reading about those in more dire circumstances; I need to count my blessings). If I am successful with finding a way to supplement my part-time job to meet my budget, then I hope to find time to return to my dreams of writing once again in more earnest. For a small (unknown) fee, I could re-enroll in the course I dropped, since I had fully paid for it.

Meanwhile, I am content to come to Area Voices and mostly just read the blogs by the many talented writers. I still leave comments, too, and some of those end up being blog length. Participating at Area Voices nourishes my mind with the written word I love so well. It sparks a light in me that may soon be fully illuminated again.

Whether I return to the writing course, or try to work things through on my own, a regular "kick in the pants" from some of my regular readers may keep me going...hint, hint!!

I know there are others out there with dreams of publishing, and it is never too late. My former writing instructor (see link above) didn't publish her first book until age 60, then another a few years later. She will be releasing another in spring (which I think may be part of a trilogy). Keep on writing, friends. Even if it is just your friends and family that you write for, you will leave a legacy for the future. As a genealogy buff, I must impress upon you how important those little pieces of your life really are!

(originally published on my Area Voices Blog)

A Boy and His Dog

A Boy and His Dog
This is one of my absolutely favorite dog pics!

The handsome little chap, complete in his Lord Faunterloy suit, is my maternal grandfather. He was born in 1896, so I am judging this photo was taken about the turn of the century, which fits in with when this style of dress was still popular. Lucky for him, he did not have to wear the curls that were popular for boys then. I have photos of my other grandfather, in similar dress, but complete with "girly" curls.

I don't know much about the dog...like if he had a name or was a beloved pet, or only a photo prop. I love the touch with the cap in the dog's mouth. I will have to see what I can learn from my mom about this photo. I don't know if my grandpa always kept dogs, but I know he had great compassion for his final companion after my grandma passed. He had a little guy named Chico. I can't remember what breed it was; it was during those years when I was self absorbed (you know: the teen years). One night, while out doing his thing, he ran out and was hit by a car. Grandpa was living at his cabin on Little Mantrap Lake near Park Rapids at the time. I am surprised there was enough traffic on that little dirt road to be a danger. At the time, I never fully understood how deep a relationship could be formed with an animal, but my Grandpa was deeply affected by the loss.

I witnessed the same type of dedicated attention when my sister had her first Corgi. She adored Fiona. When it came time for Fiona's spaying, my sister had no inkling of what was in store. Fiona never recovered from the anesthesia. My sister took a long time to recover and donated all of Fiona's supplies, kennel, toys...everything, to the humane society. Eventually, despite her previous reservations, she became owner to another Corgi, Schatzi. Another dog that was pampered and often visited by a neighborhood "mutt," Woody. When the neighbors decided not to keep Woody after their son moved off to college, they offered him to my sister. My brother-in-law insisted they could not have another dog...no time, etc. The dog was taken to a shelter. Missing Woody's daily visits to Shatzi, my sister & her hubby began visiting Woody at the shelter, and next thing you know, my brother-in-law is adopting the dog they could have had for free. ;-) Woody was one of the nicest dogs you'd ever want around: gentle, playful, loyal. He must have got the best traits of all of his mixed breeding. I have great memories of our visits with them, especially when we visited in Europe. Dogs go everywhere there; even to restaurants, where they are often offered a water dish & treats, as they sit under the table while you dine. This past September, Woody was let out for his nightly jaunt through the woods in a very rural area of southwest Wisconsin. Sometimes he would lay chase on some small varmint in the woods. Long story short, he ended up a long way away at the highway, where he was hit and killed. My sister has beaten herself up over this turn of events and truly continues to mourn his loss.

Another sister just experienced a similar fate when she let her dog out to relieve himself, in a very rural area, and he just disappeared. Having lost another dog previously, she says she is done with dogs (we'll see). It is too hard to handle losing a pet.

I have two wonderful dachshunds, both rescued, one from a shelter, and one purchased from a neglectful owner. They have become such a big part of our lives. Every member of the family has deep affection for these dogs, which has been a great focus for us. I can't imagine how I will handle it when I must some day face their end days.

Knowing how important these companions are to so many, it bothers me deeply when I hear stories of abandoned or tortured dogs. Recently, a hunter discovered a mother dog and her ten pups, left to starve in an abandoned farm house. Five of the pups did not survive. The mother and the other pups were emaciated and are healing at the Tri-County Humane Society (St. Cloud). In another case, a morbidly obese border collie was found frozen to a sidewalk in Wisconsin. The owner is being charged with neglect.

Please people...do not get pets if you can't take care of them or don't intend to keep them forever! To those thinking of getting the kids a puppy for Christmas, remember, they aren't forever a cuddly puppy: they do grow up and they are a huge responsibility. Make sure your kids (or yourself) are ready for the responsibility, because a pet should have the committment of their owner for life! As Farside suggested in an earlier blog, it is better to wait until summer for adopting a pet, when children are out of school and have more free time to develop the habits of daily cares and attention. There is a lot of benefit for children learning that resposibility, but it needs to be well timed.

If you do get a dog, please look to adopt one from a shelter, as there are always many waiting for a happy home. And if you are one of those, thinking of giving up on your companion, simply put...How could you?

Pizza!

I am preparing to take time out for a little supper break...Papa Murphy's Pizza. My husband picked up the "Perfect Pizza." I'll eat the pineapple and ham, and he'll eat the pepperoni. I recall the first time I tried pineapple on pizza was 20+ years ago. I was visiting my sister in Minneapolis and my brother-in law suggested it. I thought he was nuts! One bite and I was hooked. It is one of my favorite kinds and for that particular combo, I think Papa Murphy's is the best.

This summer, for the first time, I was introduced to ranch dressing on pizza. Have you tried that? I love ranch dressing, but it didn't really "knock my socks off" on pizza.

I like just about any kind of pizza crust...thin crust, pan crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, french bread, etc. Pizza baked in wood fired, brick lined ovens in Italy were a special treat on our visit there. My hubby likes to make his own special version on the grill in the summer...thin & crispy, and tasting somewhat like the crusts from Italy.

As for toppings and sauces, I like almost anything, though I'm not crazy about pepperoni. What are your favorite pizza toppings? Do you have any "wierd" combinations? Do you have a favorite "brand?"

Pizza's here.....mmmmm. Smells great! Time to enjoy!

National Day of Listening

I have been absent from blogging for a couple weeks, due to an overload of personal issues. I've had a little too much of life's less appetizing portions heaped on my plate this year, especially in the last couple months. I'm working through the latest helping, served up by one of my children, and when I've digested that, I'll hope for more appetizing entrees, or perhaps a decadent dessert. I sometimes just can't converse when I have too much on my plate. It's bad manners to talk with your mouth full, right? Anyway...

It's Black Friday. You could be one of those in the throngs of people trying to get a good deal today...if so, I feel sorry for you! I have participated on rare occasions, but the older I get, the less likely any item of merchandise would get that much attention from me. In the past I have found many shoppers to be rude, pushy, and entirely void of any of their Thanksgiving spirit from the previous day. I say, "No, Thanks!" Unfortunately, tragedy played out in Long Island, NY because of the rush of shoppers, and according to the NY Daily News, a Walmart worker was trampled to death this morning. Pretty sad commentary on the greed of commercialism.

Buffalo Gal seems to be enjoying her day in her pajamas. I think that's a good idea. I am going to go out and help my kids with some home repair projects. Then, I may call my mom and ask some questions for the first annual day of listening. I wish I would have known about this earlier, but just read about it in my brother-in-law's blog. Thanks, Chris!

So, here is the scoop. Today is the First Annual National Day of Listening. I will spare you a lot of the details, as you can go to the link and read them for yourself. The main idea is that you take the time today to listen to someone's story...as everyone has a story to tell, and everyone's story is important. This story can be from a parent or grandparent, a friend, a person you see daily but don't really "know," anyone! Write it down, record it on audio or video tape, photos, whatever.

It is these stories that bind us together. I feel we would be sometimes better off as a country if everyone would take some time to listen to one another, instead of just talking over each other. I enjoy blogging, but only half as much as I enjoy reading other people's blogs. I have always enjoyed biographies...individual people's stories...and I find the stories of everyday people just as, if not more intriguing, than any famous person's biography. I enjoy reading, and often commenting, on the various blogs I try to read on a daily basis. From little snippets to long, drawn out opinions, each gives a view inside the minds of others. Some have similarly held views to my own, others do not. Some are similar to me in some ways, but not others. It doesn't matter, though, because, agree or disagree, we are all have a right to hold our own beliefs, and really, a duty to allow that same freedom to others.

To those who may read my blog today, feel free to answer one, a couple, or all of the questions below, so I may listen to your story and get to know you better.

What was the happiest moment of your life?

What are you most proud of?

What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?

What is your earliest memory?

How would you like to be remembered?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privelege of wisdom to listen." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf." ~Indian Proverb

The Peacemaker

I have always been one that wants to keep the peace. As a young child, all the way through adulthood, I have strived to not step on toes. Although I have become more assertive over the years, I try to deal with public and private matters in a peaceful manner. I was reflecting today on some wrongs I have been dealt recently, and whether I should stand up and fight, as so many around me have suggested. Though I might fight for the injustices toward others, I may or may not follow the same path for myself. I will continue to mull over the issues a while longer, I suppose, but I have decided not to fight. Why? Because my energy will be better spent elsewhere. The injustices have helped me reflect on where my priorities have been and where they should be. I have never worn bitterness well. Has anyone? During all the ups and downs of the last couple months, I have looked for peaceful resolutions. Sometimes when you turn the other cheek, you get a view from another perspective. I saw something new on the horizon and have set on a journey to grasp it.

My favorite hymn while attending Catholic school as a child was the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. (My second favorite was Whatsoever You Do). Thinking back on these hymns, and the messages they conveyed, I must have taken them quite seriously, as I have spent my life working on the messages contained within. The Peace Prayer popped into my head this evening and brought many of my recent struggles into perspective. This prayer will definitely continue to guide me in my newest adventures.

Posts from my other blog

I most often write on another blog, but I thought I would transfer some of those posts here, as I don't check in here as often. My other blog is at: http://www.areavoices.com/abrelamente/




Here is today's post:

Doo Doo Doo Lookin' Out My Back Door



These are just a few of the seasonal sights I partake in when looking out my back door. In a busy life filled with daily stressors, I don't always take the time to just stop and smell the roses...well, I don't actually have roses, but you get my drift, I'm sure.

I awoke yesterday morning to glorious, fluffy blankets of snow, covering every lingering flower, every bush, lawn, field, and tree. It was a wonderous white landscape. I truly believe the first blanketing snow is one of the most overlooked wonders of the world. I didn't get to revel in the glory for long, as I had to traverse the one undesirable aspect of the snow...traveling to work. It was pretty tame, with just a couple of slushy spots, and a few well placed splatterings of snowy slop mixed with mud kicked up to the windshield from passing beet trucks. The landscape along the rural backroads of west central Minnesota was picture postcard perfect...a true Currier & Ives scene.

I sincerely love and appreciate all of the seasons Minnesota has to offer. This is a place where we can see all of nature's changes in full glory. There is the birth and regrowth of spring, filled with everything that is new and wonderful. Next comes the summer, the time to enjoy the bounties that spring has sprung. In fall, the season of change, there is either a preparation for the end of a natural life cycle or getting prepared for rest, and reflecting on all that nature has provided. In winter, much of nature is hunkered down and most comes to a standstill. The snow seems to wipe the slate clean, in preparation for the rebirth of spring, and the continuing cycle.

The seasons of a human life, in many ways, seem to mirror those of mother nature.

First, there are the annual seasons, which really do tie closely to the calendar, for me. In my life, spring is the time of new ideas and energized thinking. I make fresh changes to my physical environment and toss out the old. The return of green seems to spur on fresh ideas and new outlooks on life. Summer comes on in all its glory and it is time to enjoy the bountiful and busy life brought forth from the growth of spring. It is a time of celebration. As summer songs die down, the autumn rolls in, sometimes tenuous, not sure if it wants change at all, but knowing that eventually, change will come. It is a time to give thanks for all one has experienced and a time to ready oneself for the upcoming period of "down time," which has different meanings for everyone. After a suitable time of preparation and reflection, winter arrives. It may sneak in quietly or rush in roaring, wanting to be heard, announcing its mission to knock out all that is weak and temporary, and take its hold. It can also be a time of rumination and sometimes depression. There can be a true feeling of being "caged in." There is a desire to rebuild and reach for light once more. When winter finally can't even stand itself, it allows spring back in and the glorious cycle begins anew.

Then there are the lifelong seasons. As the seasons in Minnesota often overlap, and sometimes seem to jump back and forth, so does this lifelong journey. I see the years between birth and young adulthood as the season of spring. New seeds and ideas are planted, nurtured, and cultivated. Spring turns to summer when one begins to revel in what has been planted...the first job, marriage, children, career accomplishments, pursuit of dreams. Autumn rolls around sometime toward the end of a career, perhaps after a few grandchildren are born, or even when one feels they have met many of their life goals. It is a time to reflect, perhaps double-check the list of goals and to complete any pursuits not yet reached. Hopefully, it is a time when one can share their life learned wisdom with others. It is a time to give thanks for all that life has held. Once winter rolls around, it really is a preparation for the end of the natural life here on earth, and the hope of eternal spring...a new light and a new life.

As it stands now, I am midway between the autumn and winter of my annual seasons, and in the late summer of my lifelong journey. Views of the seasons really are personal. I'd love to hear yours.

Save Ratchet!

CALLING ALL TROOP SUPPORTERS & DOG LOVERS

Do you love Dogs? Do you support our troops? If either or both of these apply, then please read the story (link below) in today's Star Tribune and sign the petition to save Ratchet. Heck, if you have any passion about human interests, read below.
Beloved pup's fate becomes international cause
Please, don't delay.

Ruminating

I recently came across an article that discusses a link between creativity and mood disorders. The article clearly states that not all creative people are depressed or bi-polar, and that all people with depression or bi-polar disorders are not creative. It does however point out some interesting connections.

From the article:

Experts say mental illness does not necessarily cause creativity, nor does creativity necessarily contribute to mental illness, but a certain ruminating personality type may contribute to both mental health issues and art.

The article discusses such points as hypersensitivity to your environment, creativity, constant ruminating about the things happening to you and the world, and how these are often interrelated. When I first read the article this week, I thought: BINGO! You can read the entire article here.

I am definitely a ruminator, and I have suffered through bouts of depression, from mild to severe. If you ask anyone who knows me personally, they'll tell you I am creative, I have a big heart, and that I sometimes wear my emotions on my sleeve. I imagine that the emotional part comes from the hypersensitivity to my environment. I strongly dislike unfairness, and that is when you will most likely see the emotions. I am also an empathizer, often tuning into the feelings of others, which in turn, can increase my inner burden. Lastly, I think situations to death (perhaps a little obsessive or perfectionist).

There are many people I spend a great deal of time with that seem shocked when I tell them I am and have often been depressed. Most people would say that I am usually upbeat and positive, but that is only when I keep myself busy and focused. If I am around negativity, I tend to fall in to that trap, as well. In other words, I can stay positive if those around me are, as well. At the end of the day, however, when I unleash my inner self, I am exhausted from holding it in and still depressed.

The older I get, the more I realize that I do not think the same as others, which isn't all bad. I tend to think in pictures and emotions. This is quite possibly the creative side of the depressed mind. Perhaps the question "Do I need to paint you a picture?" was meant for me. If I need to recall something, I often must go back to the place the thought first popped in my head. This can be a problem, because if I am asked to recall details of a conversation or action, it may not come to me until I retrace my steps. (I guess I wouldn't be a very good court witness.) Sometimes it only takes one small visual reminder to open the floodgates of memory. Or solitude.

Solitude helps me to sort the scattered thoughts in my mind. My best work comes during times I am alone. While some people may thing I am an extrovert, because I am friendly, as well as busy and productive in group work, chattering away (often too much), I am truly an introvert. Too much togetherness drives me bonkers. It makes me want to jump out of my skin. I need to escape. I do not like spending 24/7 with people, so vacations and business travel can be a bit taxing. I get recharged when I am alone without distractions.

When I look back at my blogs, I see alot of ruminating. Sometimes I write when I'm feeling mildly depressed or vulnerable, thus the ruminating. (Or am I mildly depressed because I ruminate?) However, if I am having a really down day, I would rather sleep or do mindless things, as I can't string together coherent thoughts. As of late, I have probably had more depressed days than not, in a large part, due to some very unfair things happening in the workplace, to others and myself. I have worked hard to fix the wrongs, but to no avail. Add some personal and financial stressors, and there is a recipe for disaster.

I imagine it is time to revisit the medication issue, though that could be a blog of its own...I have handled depression with and without, and will probably spend the rest of my life volleying between the options. Perhaps a change of scenery will be the only elixir I need.

Has The Fire Gone Out?

I found this as I was reading online. It fits in perfect with the reflective weeks I've been going through. It seems as timeless as when it was written in the sixties. Of course, it is an age old problem, which just becomes more pronounced during times of struggle. The cycle will likely repeat throughout all of time, because history always does, and we are all imperfect.

The Cold Within.

Six humans trapped by happenstance

In dark and bitter cold

Each possessed a stick of wood—

Or so the story’s told

Their dying fire in need of logs

But the first one held hers back

For of the faces around the fire

She noticed one was black

The next one looked across the way

Saw one not of his church

And could not bring himself to give

The fire his stick of birch

The third one sat in tattered clothes

He gave his coat a hitch

Why should his log be put to use

To warm the idle rich

The rich man just sat back and thought

Of wealth he had in store

And keeping all that he had earned

From the lazy shiftless poor

The black mans face bespoke revenge

As the fire passed from sight

For he saw in his stick of wood,

A chance to spite the white

And the last man of this forlorn group

Did naught except for gain

Giving just to those who gave

Was how he played the game

Their sticks held tight in deaths still hands

Was proof enough of sin

They did not die from cold without—

They died from cold within

-James Patrick Kinney

In researching the author, it appears he was an "author unknown," but his wife corrected that information with this letter to Abigail Van Buren:

DEAR ABBY: My husband, James Patrick Kinney, wrote the poem "The Cold Within" in the 1960s. It is gratifying to know he left something behind that others appreciate. He submitted it to the Saturday Evening Post; however, it was rejected as "toocontroversial for the times." Jim was active in the ecumenical movement. His poem was sent in to the Liguorian, a Catholic magazine. That was its first official publication to my knowledge. Since then, it has appeared in church bulletins, teaching seminars and on talk radio, listed as "Author Unknown." If that was done for legal protection, I understand. My family is always happy to see it appear, but we do think the true author should be given credit.

There's much to chew on in this piece, The Cold Within. Each person is responsible for their own level of helping to keep the fire going. Will your heart melt the bitter cold?

Cannery Row @ McCann's Food & Brew October 10 2008

(l to r) Gary Dockendorf, Chris Laumb, Mike Sharp, Dean Severson, and Carol Anderson

Last night, we spent a lovely evening at McCann's Food & Brew in St. Cloud. They are known for their craft brews, carefully created by none other than my very talented brother-in-law, Chris. He started his brewing career as a hobby, with another brother-in-law, Mark, and things took off from there. He was the brewmaster for O'Hara's Pub (same location-33rd & 3rd) for many years, and when they abruptly closed, he went on to roast coffee beans for Dunn brothers for a stint (another passion). When McCann's took over and remodeled, he was back on board, creating many flavorful brews, and feeling lucky to be employed in a career he loves.

Other talents of my brother-in-law include his voice and guitar playing skills. He is a self taught musician with a wide variety of tastes. He has been with the group Cannery Row for a number of years. They are a five member group, playing mainly Americana, Folk-Rock, and Western Swing. They play many local venues such as coffee shops, benefits, farmer's markets, local festivals, art crawls, etc. They played last night at McCann's, the reason for our rare evening out. I went for the music, my husband for the music AND brews. They are playing today at the Hopfest at Brau Brothers Brewing in the tiny town of Lucan, MN. They will be playing with Gentry Bronson in November as a benefit for the Central Minnesota Sexual Assault Center.

I love listening to the folksy songs, some well known, others lesser known, even obscure. Some of the songs are written by the band, some are the work of other singers and lyricists. The songs bring me back to a time where life seemed more simple. We worked hard, we ate mostly home cooked foods and fresh garden produce, we spent time talking, singing, and laughing with family, friends, and neighbors. We seemed united to make our world, or at least our little corner of it, a better place for everyone. We fought for the rights of the little guys...the family farmer, the blue collar worker, the poor, the children, all the disenfranchised, really. Now...we bail out corporate America as we struggle to put food on the table and gas in our cars.

I want to go back...and for a little spell last night, I did.

Below are the lyrics to one of the songs sung last night, which seems to be the root to some of what is happening in our country today, which Farside of Fifty blogged about in her "Hard Times" piece yesterday.

Thirty Years Of Farming (Lyrics by Fred Eaglesmith)

There's a little white note on the gate by the road

That a man put up yesterday

And when we saw it,

we all ran out

Just to see what it had to say.

And when we read it,

our eyes filled with tears

And they fell to the cold, hard clay

Something about a mortgage,

something about foreclosure

Something about failing to pay.

Chorus:Oh, and on the post by the general store

They put up a little sign

An auction sale day after tomorrow

At the end of Lincoln Line

Thirty years of farming,

thirty years of heartache

Thirty years of day to day

Oh, my daddy stopped talking the day the farm was auctioned

There was nothing left to say.

Oh, my mama's tears fell freely down

As she walked amongst the flowers in the yard

And every number the auctioneer called

Was like a blow to her precious heart

And every number the auctioneer called

Meant another thing was sold that day

'Til everything was auctioned,

and we stood there watching

As they loaded it and drove it away.

(Chorus)

At the day's first dawning,

we awoke this morning

There was nothing for us to do

Nothing in the granary,

no hay in the mow

No cattle, no tractor, no tools.

So we loaded up the car,

took the clothes that we wore

And a few things we managed to save.

Mama read from the Book,

we took one last look

And then we drove away.

(Chorus)

Oh, my daddy stopped talking the day the farm was auctioned

There was nothing left to say.

"Meeting People" on Blogs

Though I never thought I'd be a blogger, I have found this as a tool to write down thoughts and keep my writing skills from becoming too dusty, in case I'd ever get around to my dream hobby of writing a book.

It is interesting that when searching the internet for some ancestry information, I "met" my deceased uncle's step-grandson's wife, through her blog. We have shared some ancestry information, and I learned more about part of my uncle's life that I hadn't known earlier.

On one of the other blogs that I've been writing for a couple months, I was inspired to write a little piece about the Ten Commandments after reading about some controversial actions regarding the Ten Commandments monolith in Fargo, ND. For those that don't know me, my grandfather's cousin helped to spearhead the effort that got these monuments and other replicas placed in public places in the 1940s to 1960s. This makes the topic a piece of my family history. Anyway, a few days after I posted on the particular topic, the author of one of the pieces I linked to, commented on my blog. She is writing a book about the monoliths. Just goes to show you, you never know who is reading what you are writing.

I used to post comments frequently on an area newspaper site, and during that time, got to "know" several of the posters. After several years of posting, many of us got together at a central MN location last fall. It was fun connecting faces to the online personas. A few were surprising, but most turned out to be much like I imagined them to be. I don't post there so much anymore, just because other interests and my work have taken more of my time, but I still log in occasionally and take the pulse of political leanings, news interests, and such.

While blogging, I also run across people whom I've never met, and likely never will, but who have blogs that are interesting reads or have similar hobbies, political views, etc. I have always been a fan of biographies and real life stories, no matter how seemingly ordinary, so perhaps that is why I enjoy reading other's blogs. So to all of you reading this, keep on reading, and start a blog of your own, so I can keep on reading, as well!

A Loony Weekend

Silver Lake 4-19-2008:Ice is gone!

Silver Lake 4-18-2008 : 1/2 Thawed!

















Swan Lake 4-19-2008: Up Close

Swan Lake 4-19-2008: I bet those babies are a wee bit chilly!


Swan Lake 4-19-2008: It looks a little crowded...still a thin ice cover in large areas.

The loons have arrived, although they usually don't stay long. We are just a respite on their trip to the north. Here are a few pictures from Silver Lake (out my back door) and Swan Lake(across town), where Rick was able to get a little closer to the action. You can get a little closer to the action in most of the photos by just clicking on the photo for a close-up.

Pancakes & Syrup

As a kid, Saturday lunch was always pancakes and syrup. Both homemade. As early as I can remember, I didn't care for either. I'm not sure if I got tired of them or if I didn't like the way they were prepared, but I usually went "lunchless" on Saturday. Perhaps it was the time I got sick in church after eating buckwheat pancakes that turned me off of all pancakes. Maybe it was the bacon fat the pancakes were fried in that caused them to have patches of black. The syrup, which was usually just brown sugar and water, boiled a tad too long sometimes, didn't do much for me either.

Maybe it was just a Saturday thing...I also didn't care for the weekly Saturday supper of spaghetti and meat sauce...but the homemade bread was to die for. We always drank buttermilk, as it could be purchased for 10 cents a gallon at the local creamery (the price did go up over the years). I didn't like buttermilk, either. So, Saturday was somewhat of a bread and water day for me. If I was really hungry, I would eat just the spaghetti noodles with a tiny amount of sauce mixed up in it, but I rarely caved in to eating pancakes.

Given my dislike of pancakes and spaghetti, it used to puzzle me that different organizations and church groups would hold pancake breakfasts or spaghetti suppers to raise funds. Who went to these functions and why were the foods I disliked most so popular? I never attended one of these functions as a diner, although I worked at a few in high school.

Fast forward to adulthood, and I started eating pancakes. The habit didn't start until I had children, and then it was occasional. My husband liked pancakes, and I didn't think I needed to pass my aversions on to my children. In the beginning, I just thought of them as okay. I made the pancakes from a mix and used bottled syrup; sometimes maple (or artificial maple), and sometimes flavored syrup. I also loved to make waffles, which was something we didn't have growing up. It would have been hard to keep the waffles flowing when cooking for thirteen.

A number of years ago, while I was visiting my aunt in Georgia, she made some pancakes from scratch that were very light and fluffy, and turned out to be a delightful treat. That may very well have been a turning point for me. I started enjoying pancakes, not just tolerating them. My husband used to make a wonderful banana nut pancake with banana syrup. We haven't had those in a while. I'll have to dig out that recipe. We do have pannekoeken (baked pancake) on a regular basis.

My daughter requested pancakes on vacation last month. Not just any pancakes, but pancakes from the family recipe of one of her friends. Once she ate those pancakes at their home, there was nothing better in her mind when it came to pancakes. I fulfilled the request, and enjoyed somewhat of a pancake paradise. The pancakes are easy to make, are very thin, spread with a thin layer of peanut butter, then topped with the most luscious syrup. Each of the elements of the meal has its own special part in making this a mouth watering experience. Enjoy!

2-2-2 Pancakes

2 T. butter or margarine, melted
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
2 c. milk, room temperature

Mix butter and eggs. Add flour, salt, baking powder and mix to wet. Slowly add milk to desired consistency (we like ours thin). Pour on to hot griddle (plate size), flipping after bubbles form around the edge and gloss is gone. Serve topped with peanut butter and syrup.

Syrup
1 c white sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 c. whipping cream
Combine in small sauce pan and bring to just boiling, reduce heat, simmer for two minutes (until sugar is dissolved). Great on pancakes or use when making caramel rolls.

Blog? Who, Me?

Never thought I would be a blogger, but I do like to write...sometimes. The thought of my words ending up out in cyberspace, floating around endlessly, is a wee bit scary. What if I say something really unwise, and then it comes back to haunt me, like when I run for president, or something? LOL!

Seriously, since I never expect to run for political office, I imagine there is nothing I write that can and will be used against me.

Mostly, I'll write about family, hobbies, and occasionally news or politics. There will definitely be more than an occasional reference to food, and probably a word or two about my pets. Feel free to leave a comment once in awhile.