I'll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear(s), if you're not here with me...
I spent my first Christmas without my children and that was very sad for me. My oldest daughter pulled up stakes and moved to Texas last month, without telling me goodbye, because she couldn't bear to "hurt me." Newsflash: It hurts more that I didn't get a hug goodbye! :-( I think it was just as likely she wouldn't face me because it would be too difficult for her to go if she had to say goodbye, so she just left.(A very long & somewhat complicated story that I may tell another day.) I have been feeling the loss over the holidays, but she emailed and texted yesterday, and said she would call in the evening, which gave me some hope. My other two children, who "took over her apartment," were no shows, and when I learned they weren't joining us for our traditional Christmas at my folks' house, I was deeply saddened. I wish children, no matter their age, would understand that they will change friends many times over the years, but your family will never change, and times with them are precious & limited. I guess, as very young adults, they need to learn these things in their own way, and their own time, but it doesn't make it easier for the parents. I cried most of the way to my parents' house.
I was running pretty late getting to our celebration, so every one else had already gathered. It is fairly overwhelming to walk into my mom's living room, as there is no porch, entryway or foyer...you are just thrust right into the chaos that is dozens of people getting caught up with each other. As soon as I walked in, I was bombarded with "Hey, how are you? " I don't know how many times I was asked before I fell apart, and was immediately ushered into a mini counseling session with my private therapist...my oldest sister is a licensed therapist and deals with these situations all the time. It helped to unleash emotions, at least some of them, and then I tried to put on my happy face. After all, I was looking forward to a phone call from my oldest daughter. The call never came, so I was disappointed by that. I did pretty good at keeping my happy face on most of the evening, as long as no one was prying. Yes, they care, and want to be supportive, but I didn't want to be the bah humbug of the party.
On the flip side, all of my thirteen siblings were present and that is a feat in itself. It was good to see everyone. We were able to get the first group photo since we last took some in 2002 at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Officially, there were 49 of us together for the evening meal yesterday, and we actually ran low on some food (that doesn't happen often), but there were plenty of sweets to compensate. Still, there were six grandchildren & 2 of their spouses, as well as 3 great grandchildren missing. Our family is now officially at 60, not including "significant others." We actually "lost" two in-laws over the last number of years (divorce), so we had once topped 60. My niece is expecting a baby at the end of March; the numbers continue to rise. With several nieces and nephews now in their late teens and early to mid twenties, I predict a snowball effect soon, as the marriages & babies start to come in quick succession.
My parents are aging a little (don't tell them that, though). My mom fell on Monday evening, severely bruising her shin. She had shopped the evening away with my sister, then went to visit another sister. After her injury, my sister called the Blue Cross help line, & checked in with the hospital, as well. My mom is diabetic, and the family was worried about blood clots, etc. The lady on the end of the help line really wanted to know why my sister had an "elderly" woman out so late (11:30 p.m.). My mom & sister were shocked to hear Mom referred to as elderly. We just don't think of her as old, and neither does she! She is almost 77, but she just doesn't act like it! The injury was somewhat of a blessing in disguise, as she had to sit with her leg elevated and be waited on. No matter how hard we try to get her to ease up on the holidays, she usually doesn't. I must say, after not being required to work in the kitchen, she looked so much less tired than was the case at Thanksgiving.
As blue as I was about my children's absence, I surely count the blessings that are my parents. I treasure every additional day and holiday we can gather together. I wish my children would appreciate how lucky they are to be part of a large family with living grandparents. By the time I was 5 1/2, I only had one grandfather left. I so treasured my visits with him, and if I could go back, would have even spent more time with him. He was with us until I was 20.
Here is an attempt at a family photo (parents & siblings only...well except for that one niece that sneaked in for one). It is just difficult to get the group to be "on task," especially with all the ADHDers in my family. (Professional photos always require a very skilled photographer, especially when we try to get the WHOLE group to look in one direction, at the same time!) The problem with multiple photographers is everyone chooses a different photograher to look at.;-) My 18 year old niece was so cute, as she took photos with several cameras. "Oh, this is so cute!" "Aww, precious...I'm so touched." Funny, sweet girl.
And here...my mom's tree, with her eclectic collection of ornaments.
Other blessings in my family are just being around all the nieces and nephews & great nieces and nephews. I have a couple favorite "finger play" rhymes I started doing with the little ones a few years ago, and as soon as I walk in, I have several holding their palms out to do the "Little Hare Chased by the Cat," which is then followed by "Criss Cross Applesauce." I suppose this started about four years ago, and some of the original children, now four years older, are still looking for me to share this with them. It has become a tradition, and I hope they have warm memories of this when they think back on their childhood memories. I suppose they'll be blogging about it in a couple decades. LOL! Of course, it probably won't be blogging any more, as we'll have moved on to some more technologically advanced form of communications.
Hope your Christmas was merry and you were able to spend cherished time with your loved ones!
(Previously published 12-26 @ Area Voices)
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